You might not recognize it, however the important things you say to someone who self-harms might seriously do more damage than great. Listen up– please.
Yes, I recognize I’m going out on a limb here, however … I seemed like a major post today, and from individual experience, these hurt. A lot.
If you desire to assistance someone who self-harms, has an eating disorder, or who is having a hard time with depression, please please please do not utilize these lines. These have actually all been stated to me at one point or another, and they actually harmed.
Don’ t shot to reduce my discomfort or pretend it away. It does not assist, it simply makes me not trust you. Therefore, without more ado …
50Things Never To Say or Do to a Self-Harmer:
1. “You’re just being over-dramatic.”
Sometimes, yes, I will get over-emotional. But I am not being significant simply to get your attention.
2. “Stop with all the teen angst already.”
Trust me, if you believe this is teen angst, you have actually plainly not seen teenager angst. Teen angst is to look cool. My discomfort is not.
3. “It’s spiritual.”
I do not know the number of times I can say this!Not Everything.That Afflicts.You Is. Spiritual!
4. “Just stop cutting.”
It’s not that simple, it actually isn’t really.
5. “Just eat normally.”
6. “When you feel this way, you should pray.”
Umm … you could wish me?
7. “If you cared about me, you would get better.”
This simply makes me seem like I cannot inform you anything since you cannot manage it.
8. “But you have a good life!”
As if I do not feel bad sufficient currently without you making me feel bad for feeling bad?!
9. “Cover up those scars.”
Not just is this mega triggering, it’s shaming and makes me desire to go snuggle and pass away in some corner. Please do not.
10 “You just need to learn how to cope.”
Umm … hey there? This IS me coping!
11″Promise me you will never (cut, purge, starve) once again.”
I cannot assure you that. I’ll break it, and you’ll be dissatisfied in me.
12 “Cutters are attention seekers.”
If I was doing it for attention, I would cut best in front of your blasted face. I would not conceal away in my space in the middle of the night and cover the scars with sleeves and bracelets so nobody sees!
13 “But you’re skinny enough as it is!”
* facepalm * My eating disorder screws with my understanding and I actually can not see myself the method you do. It’s a legitimate mental disorder, not simply low self-confidence.
14 “But you’re so pretty!”
You do recognize I have a mirror, right?
15 “Do you want scars for the rest of your life?”
Hmm do you BELIEVE I desire scars?! … exactly what do you choose? Scars or a tombstone!?
16 “If you cut, I’ll cut.”
I understand you imply well. But this will not make me stop cutting. It simply makes me stop informing you if/when I do.
17 “I’ll tell your parents.”
Okay, unless I’m legally on the brink of suicide– as in, I have a strategy, due date, and the ways with which to do so, this has the exact same impact as the previous remark.
18 “You creep!”
* hides and weeps * … please do not.
19 “You need help.”
… I understand that. But I do not require you to inform me that. I simply require you to like me and be my buddy. Ok?
20 “Happiness is a choice.”
Well, mental disorder isn’t really. And depression isn’t really. I didn’t select to be depressed, I cannot simply select not to be depressed.
21 “Medicine makes people crazy.”
So you ‘d rather I stopped taking them, slipped back into serious depression, and even worse case situation, devoted suicide? … appears legitimate.
22 “Just snap out of it!”
Try informing this to someone with cancer … exactly what about these concerns being psychological cancer does nobody comprehend?!
23 “You don’t look anorexic.”
Well, you do not appear like a dumbhead, either … guess looks can be tricking, huh?
24 “You should go see a counselor.”
All this states to me is ‘I don’ t desire to have to offer with you so disappear’. Doesn’ t assistance one ounce.
25 “Go take your meds and calm down.”
Translation: I am going to utilize your mental disorder as an reason to invalid [sic] your problems/pain
26 “You have no reason to be depressed!”
No factor however genes and a brain illness and chemical imbalance and living in a fallen world …
27 “Are you emo?”
No I’m not.
28 “Do you worship Satan?”
If I did, you ‘d be dead by now … so no, plainly I do not.
29 “What happened to your arm!?” * surprised face *
Just … do not. Not in public. Not in front of individuals. If you ask me alone, that’s something, however otherwise?No
30 “How are you going to explain those scars to your future husband/kids?”
I truthfully do not know … perhaps I should not have a partner or kids, should I?
31 “Let me see.” * touches scars without asking */ “you’re not fat” * pinches arm/stomach *
The last thing to ever do is touch me– my scars, my body– without asking. I do not care if you’re my freaking moms and dad.Do Not.Touch My.Scars Without.My Permission. Do not pinch my stomach. Do not touch my scars. At least ask, and if I say no, regard that.
32 “You’re depressed because you listen to metal”.
If you just understood the variety of times the music I listen to has conserved my life. actually.
33 “Congratulations, you actually ate a decent meal!” * ironical clap *
Y’ understand, I feel bad sufficient currently without you drawing everybody’s attention to the truth …
34 “You just want to believe in chemical imbalance so you don’t have to take responsibility for your depression”
AgainNot Everything.Is Spiritual. Someone discuss to me how getting assistance, taking my medications, and doing all in my power to remain well, is preventing obligation?!
35″There are kids who are starving inChina Eat your food.”
I understand. May I be excused now, please?
36 There are individuals who have it way even worse than you.”
And there are individuals who have it way much better than I do. Your argument is void.
37 “You’ve gotten so thin you look ugly.”
OhWow Way to be motivating. This isn’t really even issue [sic] this is simply plain old mean!
38 “You’ve gained weight! You look healthy!”
Please do not talk about my weight. If I have actually put on weight, possibilities are I understand all of it too well and all I’ll hear in this remark is the ‘you’ ve put on weight’ and I’ll drive myself insane over it.
39 “No boy will ever love you because you’re too thin.”
… I have no words.
40 “You will not be depressed/ on medications/ self-harm/ have an eating disorder in 5 years. This is simply a rough stage.
But exactly what if it lasts a bit longer than simply ‘a rough phase’? What then? Will you still care? Or will you merely presume that I’ve stopped working to improve?
41 “I might never be anorexic. I like food excessive …”
Because you believe I do not like food? I would eliminate to be able to consume thoughtlessly like you.
42 “You have so much to be grateful for!”
I understand. I understand … truthfully, if individuals might stop regret tripping individuals for feeling bad, perhaps we ‘d get someplace in all this!
43 “Just recite positive affirmations to yourself in the morning and evening.”
Okay Those do not work, and they do not resolve a blasted thing!
44 “You should go gluten-free/dairy-free/meat-free.”
If you believe a basic diet plan modification is going to resolve whatever, you’re misinterpreted.
45 “Go work out/exercise!”
* drops in defeat *
46 “I understand exactly how you feel.”
Unless you have actually experienced precisely what I have … do not say this. It instantly damages any and all reliability which you might have.
47 “It’s all in your head.”
Well, where else would it be?! My kidneys? What about my liver? * sarcasm *
48″ I’ll constantly be here for you.”
Nope You will not. Especially not at 4 remain in the early morning when I’m sobbing, attempting to determine whether I’ll live to see another early morning … you’re quietly sleeping similar to everybody else.
49 “Depression is a chemical flaw/genetic damage.”
Because I completely love being informed I’m harmed. Thanks, why do not you go on and stab me with that cooking area knife lying right over there … it would finish the ‘damaged’ at any rate.
50 “Get over it.”
Stop, Just, stop talking. I’m attempting as tough as I potentially can, and I do not require you to inform me to overcome it, I require you to take my hand and assist me make it through it!
So … there you have it … the leading fifty I might believe up off the top of my head!
See, these do not assist. They just harmed more. I have actually heard each among these eventually in time, and they’re unpleasant.
If you desire to assistance, the method to assistance is to listen, do not attempt to resolve whatever, however simply listen and like.